How do we ask the other people in our lives for the things we need and want? This can be difficult for everybody. Many of us have trauma from a society that continually tells us that we don’t deserve to have help meeting our needs, or from past situations where our needs have been neglected. We are also often aware that asking for things can sometimes be upsetting to the people we ask. We are painfully aware of their ability to say no, and we know how much that can hurt.

I enjoyed reading Atomic Habits, which was recommended to me by my therapist. I found this blog post basically finished in my attic folder while sorting through things, and I found it up to posting, even though my records show I read Atomic Habits way back in … October 2022.

Self-Help in General

Atomic Habits is pretty fundamentally a “self help book.” This is a pretty controversial genre in my experience. Some people roll their eyes at self-help books in general – I once even read an “anti-self help” book that basically did so for the entire length of a book. Others swear by them – literally, I had a friend once who said The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was her Bible and who used it as such for an (informal but serious) oath. I’m generally somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. I read them with solidly middling expectations.

Here’s a story; stop me if you’ve heard it before.

There’s a child, an energetic, enthusiastic child, perhaps hard to deal with in some ways, but all around just beautiful. And then they go to a parochial school – or perhaps they just have a rather strict public school teacher. In either case, the authority figure makes it their wicked mission to suppress all the beautiful children’s personalities into identical, well-behaved zombies in the interest of the idol of order. Only our heroic child remains with their own personality, constantly getting in trouble for it but remaining themselves.

I was reading my ADHD blog post today, considering whether to send it to a friend, and it was surprisingly hard for me to bring myself to. I realized I was embarrassed at the voice, the phrasing, the lack of beauty in the individual words, all of which is something I paid relatively little attention to before – and which my friend, who also writes, will definitely notice.

It’s something I’ve paid less attention to than I should. “Writing is thinking” is my philosophy, and I have tons of thoughts that I know other people are interested in. Shouldn’t the structure of the thoughts, both the logical structure and the order in which they’re presented, be more important than voice? And I still believe they are – and yet voice does still matter.

I’d like to share with you how I use my computer, in a way that is (for me) ADHD friendly and well-suited for implementing my organization system. Tools are important to any organizational and productivity system, and optimizing your tools for your brain and your workflow are important. My computer is my most important productivity tool, where my work happens, and where my life/chore/errand/calendar organization happens, so it should be an interesting example of an optimized key tool.

ADHD is a controversial topic, and it’s never been more relevant. Diagnoses are soaring right now, driven up by a variety of interacting forces. Open discussion about ADHD – and the related general concept of “neurodiversity” – has been exploding on the Internet. And recently, there’s been a very unfortunate Adderall shortage.

So I wanted to take an opportunity to share some thoughts about it. I would say that I was taking this opportunity to clear things up, but unfortunately, that might not be possible. The reality is a really muddy situation, and many people’s mental models – including many professionals’ – are oversimplifications.

As promised in my previous posts about organization, I will now go into some detail about my own organizational system. But before I start talking about it, and how I came to develop it, I’d like to emphasize a few points, or more specifically, three caveats, lest Zeus strike me down with a thunderbolt for my hubris:

• Caveat the First: My system is a work in progress. Even though it is overall very helpful, it’s always falling apart a little bit. Some parts of it work better than others, and it’s constantly evolving as I try to shore up the parts that fall apart more easily. Sometimes, it’s in a better state than others.
• Caveat the Second: What works for me might well not work for you, dear reader. I reckon you and I have very different brains. Even if a psychiatrist would categorize me and you with all the same formally recognized traits, we still have literally different brains, and literally different histories, cultural backgrounds, and personal struggles.
• Caveat the Third: Nothing in this system is particularly novel. It is however very tweaked to my own personality. I present this not to claim that I’ve developed anything new, but as a worked example of applying existing practices to my own life, in hopes that it will be useful to you.

And it is indeed a very personal system and a continuously evolving system. I am sensitive to minor issues. If a TODO list system is insufficiently ergonomic for me, I’ll get overwhelmed by it, or intimidated by it, disheartened, blocked out by my personal “Wall of Awful”, and I will default to not using any organizational system at all, and simply relying on my natural faculties – my naturally poor prospective memory – to make sure I do the things I need to do.

In my previous post on organization, I concluded with this statement:

As everyone’s brain works differently (whether ADHD or not), people differ tremendously in what their ideal organizational systems are. For me, I am much less productive if I have a less than ideal system – the stakes are very high. But even for people who can be productive on any system, I think that tailoring their system to their brain, their lifestyle, their job and schedule and hobbies, can have amazing results.

Memory Leak

I have an excellent memory. I have a terrible memory.

Well, which one is it?

This is a confusing state to be in. It can be frustrating to people around me. How is it – my father used to ask me when I was in high school – that I could remember all the lessons and readings for my tests in school, and get all the good grades, but couldn’t ever remember to do the simplest task or household chore, or to bring with me the simplest item? And of course the fact that I remember these conversations from so long ago is a bit of a case in point.

For a time, I tried to cultivate an interest in Go. Not this Go, but this Go. The interest didn’t last long – like chess, I had a hard time getting up to even a fairly basic level of competence. And I quickly developed another enthusiastic interest to replace it – sometimes, an interest just doesn’t work out, and it’s nobody’s fault, and you have to just move on and not get too sad, because there’s plenty of fish in the sea.